Personal Story: Resilience

I appeared to be a normal 9-year-old girl who played with dolls, went to school, and enjoyed spending time with my friends and siblings. On the outside my life looked great, but no one knew what I was dealing with behind closed doors. My life changed forever around my 9th birthday when my mother’s live-in boyfriend sexually abused me and threatened me to not tell. During this time I stopped playing with toys and I started to hate flowers because they symbolized the abuse. From the age of 9 to 11 years old I experienced abuse and was betrayed by my own mother and abandoned by my father. I left the United States to live with my grandmother in the Dominican Republic and continued to experience abuse until I was 13 years old. 

When I was 14 I returned to New York and gave birth to a premature baby girl fathered by an older man. Because of her health she ended up staying hospitalized for 5 years. After having my daughter I started school, however I also started using and selling drugs. At 15 years old I was arrested for making a sale to an undercover cop.  I was kicked out of my house for being a bad influence to my brother and was forced to rent rooms. After some time my life began to take a turn for the better. I ended up moving to an apartment in New Jersey with some money that I had saved and with my partner's parents’ help. My partner worked at his parents' supermarket and I worked in a nail & hair salon. Things continued to get better and I was offered the opportunity to go to school in New York. The school tried to help me continue my education and said they would work something out with transportation from New Jersey to New York. 

One day, at the age of 16, I got a phone call that changed everything I imagined my life could’ve been like. My daughter’s social worker at the hospital called to tell me that the Administration for Children’s Services (ACS) came by to visit and see how involved I was with my daughter and how many times I went to visit. She told me that it was time to tell ACS the real reason I was running away. Minutes later ACS called and said “Nathali we want to talk. We want to understand everything your daughter’s social worker said.” My daughter’s social worker told them that I was just a kid trying to stay strong and be there for my daughter. I felt like the ACS worker understood I was just a survivor, so I agreed to meet at my school. Since I was still a minor I wasn’t allowed to go back to New Jersey and I felt like ACS had tracked me down through my daughter to get information to make a case against my mother and my abuser. Finally, someone was on my side and advocating for me, and helped me to get my life back together. I had a tough journey, but I made it through and was eventually able to have my daughter home with me once she was out of the hospital. My journey had some very low points including bad foster homes, post traumatic stress disorder and depression, and losing my family and trust in people. Although I went through so much I learned to survive, and to use ACS as a resource. I met new people who have helped me forge a new life, and I am trying to be the loving, caring mother that I never had. Now I am a mother to 6 children, I am married, I have my own apartment, I became a United States citizen, and I work to help other foster children and young parents!

--Nathalea Sky, YUP! Young Parent and YAC member