Personal Story: Letter to my Pregnant Self

Dear Justice,

I know that this is not the plan you intended to have for yourself. You just graduated college, had a miscarriage and are experiencing a lot of life changes all at the same time. Your plan was to move to Philly, grow your doula work, take on more clients and live a single life. Now that life has shown you what plans it has for you instead I know you are scared. I wish you could avoid all of the pain and depression you are about to experience. Even though you’re still happy to be pregnant again there are still some complicated feelings you are experiencing. There are questions you are asking yourself like “did I make a mistake?” “should I have waited?”, “will this ruin my relationship?”, “are my parents disappointed?”. You'll have to experience people saying things like “I wish you would have done things differently”, “life isn't about you anymore”, and “once the baby is here, you wont matter”, all while already feeling lonely and sad. 

This pregnancy will single handedly be the hardest thing you've ever done. On some days it’s going to beat you down so bad you will convince yourself you’d be better off somewhere else. But, I want you to know that it does get better. Once your baby is here you'll look back on the days you spent questioning yourself and circumstances and start to understand why everything unfolded the way that it did. When you look into your baby’s eyes you’ll begin to realize that being a mother will quickly become the most important role you'll ever take on in your life. Your baby’s laugh will heal you, her smile will help calm you and her hugs and little tugs at your hand will remind you why she chose you to be her mama. Your baby will grow to be rambunctious and keep you on your toes, her personality will always keep you entertained and you will see so much of yourself in her. I promise that even though this experience will push you to your limits, it does get better. It is worth it and once you see your baby and experience her joy- you would do this all over again if you had to. 

--Young mom and YUP! Member Justice