Personal story: It Always Seems Impossible Until It’s Done
It has been a dream of my family for me to go to college since I was born as the first grandchild. My grandparents who migrated from Mexico have been waiting for this day since before I was named. Though I do not speak fluent Spanish, I understood early on from my grandpa that education was essential. Even if the dreams came before I did, the journey itself of how to even get to college was something just for me to navigate on my own, like you probably all have had to do, being first generation and first born siblings.
I am proudly from Salinas, California, the “east side” of it, to be exact, where people on the outside presume any kid that grows up there must succumb to gang violence or a lack of education, which is not who we are. I was born and raised in the lettuce capital of the world, where dreams grow like all of the produce does, because our community fosters this flourishing. In order to find out how to get to college, I asked a million questions like other students did because Salinas people want to be educated! We know what it is like to send people out to attain degrees in order to bring back knowledge that only makes for more flourishing. Eventually, my first mission of getting to college was complete due to this focus and drive, when I got into over fifteen colleges and landed a full ride scholarship to attend UC Davis. When I got that news, it finally felt like this dream that my family had for me and that I had for myself was solidified. I was on my way to college! That ultimate door had been opened! Then, my soulmate and I found out we were pregnant about two weeks after I had committed to UC Davis.
Naturally scared, we were not sure of anything except for our love, and our drive to follow our dreams no matter what, though people expected me to drop out. All I could hear was, “What about college?” “What about your scholarships?” “What are you going to do about that?” “You should just drop out.” I was given two choices, and both had the same premise: for me to give up. One thing people had forgotten about me was that I never give up. Instead of choosing one or the other, I chose both; I gave myself that choice of balancing both. To me, these weren’t just responsibilities that I “had” to do, but dreams and opportunities that had been granted to me to embrace at that same time.
At this point, I had no clue what the odds against me really were. I just knew I had to muster my optimal strength in order to be my best version of “Mommy” and of a student. I knew it was going to be difficult and I knew that anyone who was doubting me was not personally doing so, not because they thought I couldn’t do it, but because they hadn’t seen it done before. This just meant that I had to make it really visibly known, that it was possible beyond their imagination.
Did you know that less than 2% of teen moms will attain a Bachelor’s degree by the time they are 30 years old, less for Latinas?
I stand here today, as a 21 year old with a 3.5 year old, graduating on-time, through a pandemic, and I have BEAT ALL ODDS!
I want to address why the numbers are so incredibly low for teen moms to pursue and complete higher education, because it is not what you may think. It is not because of what stigmas say, that teen moms are failures, cannot succeed, or do not ever succeed. But, oftentimes when we do or when we even try, no one is looking. This makes finding support super difficult, so, I had to dig really deep to find that there is support, there are resources, and there is a way.
During COVID, I had to advocate for myself more often because I had to explain to every professor, every quarter, that I could succeed in their classes with some minimal remote accommodations, even after students returned to campus, since I had to stay home to be a mom. Some told me I should just drop out, but most were eager to help me! The first few months of quarantine, I had just given birth, so I was in bed, trying to heal from surgery, breastfeeding our newborn, dealing with a lot of pain that you don’t wanna know about right now, while trying to write papers and attend Zoom. Then, there was no time for my emotional wellbeing.
Out of all of my teachers in college, I would have to say my daughter is the best teacher. One of the many lessons I have learned from her, that I need to share, is being present. Even when you have so many things to do, sometimes the best thing you can do is nothing, be a kid again, paint a picture or eat your childhood snack cut into shapes. I know that being present can be a real challenge, but if you do not fill your cup first, you cannot fill your other cups, of work, school, friendships, anything! I can't be a good mom unless I have been present with myself. Instead of multitasking and straining myself, I have always chosen to be present with one thing at a time, with my work while she sleeps, so I could give my entire day to being present with her.
I get asked all the time how I balance motherhood, school, and business with the same 24 hours we get. That’s easy: there is nothing I do that I do not want to do. You will never catch me complaining about any of my tasks because everything I do falls under dreams and passions. When first faced with the need to work, I didn’t want to have to leave our baby or get a job in something I wasn’t passionate about, so I started my own catering business, which began as an in-home hustle I could do during the time that I wasn’t in Zoom university, and ended up becoming a company that is booked for weddings and everything. Though it came with its own challenges, I have kept a positive mindset and a stable focus on only living life by doing what I love and loving what I do.
I never felt like giving up, but I have felt the pressure build up. I have felt like I don’t have enough to offer. I've experienced imposter syndrome and people wonder, “How?”, but I am only human. Any moment in time when I cried about it, my baby was there telling me, “Mommy, I am so proud of you.” There’s nothing like it.
--Young mom and YUP! Member Calyssa
