The Basics: Setting Boundaries

It can feel like a struggle when children act out, yell, or throw tantrums. However, these behaviors are a normal part of child development and can help children cope with new feelings and emotions. Parents can help better control these behaviors by talking with their children and by setting boundaries using some of the approaches covered below. Because family dynamics are different in every home, some suggestions might not work for you and your child. Talk to your child’s doctor or nurse if you’re having trouble communicating with your child and would like to try other approaches. 

 When children misbehave, talking with them is a good first step. Children often need help from parents and caregivers to learn differences between “right” and “wrong,” so it can be helpful to explain how their behavior needs to change. Also, explain rules and consequences so that your child understands what is expected and what might happen if the rules get broken. Try talking with your child when both of you are calm and use age-appropriate words. The CDC website below has worksheets that families can print and use to write down rules and other expectations. 

 Offering rewards after a positive behavior can make your child feel good and encourage them to repeat the behavior. Rewards can also help increase children’s self-esteem since it lets them know that they are doing things correctly. Rewards can be material (such as toys or a special snack) as well as non-material (such as compliments, hugs, high-fives, and smiles). When giving a reward or complimenting your child, be specific so that your child knows what they did well. For instance, you can say “great job sharing your toys!” Consider keeping track of positive behaviors with a reward “program” that can include charts and stickers. This offers children a visual way of understanding behaviors and can help them look forward to the next reward. To learn more about how to create a reward program step by step, see the CDC resource, below. 

 Using time-out can be helpful when children break rules. You can begin by warning your child to stop misbehaving and remind her or him of the consequences. If your child continues, you can put them in time-out and explain why. It is recommended that children spend 1 minute in time out for each year of age (for instance, a 3-year-old might spend 3 minutes in time-out). When time-out ends, try giving your child attention and a compliment when she or he does a positive behavior. 

Essentials for Parenting Toddlers and Preschoolers (CDC): This website provides information and resources for helping set boundaries with children 2-4 years old, specifically creating structure and rules, explaining consequences, and using time-out. It includes documents that parents can download and print to use with children, videos with examples, and even tips and answers from experts. "Using Structure and Rules: Can We Make it Simple?" Activity (CDC): This website offers worksheets that families can download, print, and fill out with family rules and behavior expectations. Steps for Creating a Reward Program (CDC): This website provides step-by-step guidance (in English and Spanish) for creating a reward program with your children and offers suggestions for what to do if you feel the program isn’t working. Using Time-out (CDC): This website offers how-to information and videos for using time-out as a way to set boundaries. It provides step-by-step instructions for using time-out and suggestions for choosing a location and handling time-out challenges.