The Basics: Crying and Tantrums

Crying is a normal part of child development and a behavior that parents know all too well. Understanding why children cry and ways to calm them can help parents better meet their children’s needs, which can sometimes prevent future episodes of crying or tantrums. 

 Crying is most common in children during the first few months of life since it is the main way that they communicate what they need. For instance, babies cry when they are hungry, tired, in pain, cold or hot, gassy, or need a diaper change. Usually, addressing these needs stops the crying. If they continue to cry, they might just want to be comforted. Try rubbing, holding, gently rocking or using a pacifier. If one approach alone doesn’t work, try a combination. If no approach works, talk to your child’s doctor or nurse to find out if your baby is sick or simply cannot be soothed when crying (called colic). Sometimes, it can take a while to soothe your baby. Don’t get discouraged. It is important that you try to remain calm and positive. If you feel yourself becoming angry or overwhelmed, ask for help or put your baby somewhere safe and step away for five minutes to calm down. Never shake or hit a baby in order to stop the crying. This will not quiet the baby and can cause brain damage, also called shaken baby syndrome.

 As children get older, they become better at communicating their needs with words or with actions, such as pointing. However, they can still cry for the same reasons that babies cry (for instance, they are tired, hungry, or want to be comforted). Children also might cry as they begin developing emotions, such as embarrassment, guilt, or frustration – they cry or throw tantrums as a way to deal with these new feelings. If your child cries and is not sick or physically hurt, encourage a nap or quiet time, offer hugs, change the scenery or location you’re in, or start a fun activity like dancing or playing. These can be helpful soothing techniques. If children are old enough to communicate with words, talk with them to find out why they are upset, and listen. The following can be helpful for preventing crying or tantrums in children: 

Every child is different and can cry a different amount. This is okay. If you are concerned about how much your child cries, and if calming techniques do not work, talk with your child’s doctor or nurse during their next visit. 

How Much Sleep Do I Need? (CDC): This website offers information about the number of hours per day that babies and children of different ages should sleep.