Personal Story: I Was Growing Up, Too

The question that has defined generations of youth has always been: Who am I? What purpose do I have here? How can I make a valuable impact?

Now imagine you are asking yourself these questions with the added title of being a parent. Someone’s mother or father. The world you once knew and the questions you once asked yourself become pushed to the back burner by the small human you are now responsible for. You then start to ask yourself those same questions, but with the intent of this person you created.

Finding your identity as a young parent is challenging, and I also faced, and still face, these questions 10 years later. 

Becoming a parent at fifteen, I was navigating the responsibilities of a parent while trying to create a stable home for my son. Things like health insurance, childcare, healthy meal planning, and even thoughts of creating a college fund began to flood my mind before I was even in college myself.

By the time I graduated high school and got into my dream schools, I became even more indecisive about my own life.

What do I want to do? Is it possible to still pursue my dreams? Should I go down the path of security instead?

I remember feeling like I had no idea what my dream even was, and at times, it can become difficult to love yourself when you love someone else so much.

Love isn’t always everything, though. You have to make sacrifices, and along the way, it is essential to take the time to answer those questions about yourself so that you show up as the happiest version of you for your family.

I remember pushing all the emotions I felt in high school into something constructive, something to motivate myself to keep going.

That started with trying everything myself.

I first figured out how to enroll in college and find the support systems for me: financial, housing, childcare, and community. The four pillars of success.

I tried everything.

I switched my major until something stuck, kept staying curious, and eventually, it landed me in positions I never imagined I could reach being a young parent.

I continued pushing and growing until I landed on stages speaking in front of hundreds. Until I got into my dream schools and programs.

I began to enter rooms.

And all along, my little boy was watching me flourish, and I was watching him grow into who he was always meant to be. 

I realized that maybe it isn’t sacrificing everything, and maybe it won’t make sense at times. It will be messy, and oftentimes, brutal. You just have to keep pushing, and I think that oftentimes is the most beautiful part.

I remember reaching my dream job, in a room full of people who didn’t understand where I came from, but I made it there.

And all of a sudden, my dream changed.

It crept up on me until I couldn’t shake it. I realized that something inside of me, perhaps my younger self, has been calling to me all along and I began asking what my new dream will be. 

And as I am writing this, I am unsure of what the future will hold, but I think that is the point.

The one thing that hasn’t changed is my love for my son.

Through all of the changes, that one constant is what holds my identity together.

And I realized the question that I should be asking myself is not, “Who will I be?” but, “Who will we be together?”

--Tamar, YUP! Young Parent and YAC member