Personal Story: Learning to Ask for Help
Asking for help has been one of the hardest things about parenting for me. Being a young parent there is always this stigma that it’s going to be hard to provide for your kid on your own, especially if you are a single parent. To some extent this was true for me because when I found out I was pregnant I didn't have much to my name. However, instead of waiting for something to happen I felt even motivated to go harder. I had no shame going to the welfare office and community organizations who helped with housing. I knew that my reliance on the system was going to be temporary and that it was going to help me create a foundation for us.
I stayed in college the whole time I was pregnant and through my birth because I knew I couldn’t let up now. At school I went to all the resource centers and was able to get a free food card for the cafeteria and sign up for the Equal Opportunity Program for Students (EOPS). With EOPS I was able to work with an academic adviser monthly on my education plan, they bought me my books and supplies, and set me up with scholarships. Getting in touch with these resources at school saved me a lot of time and money and allowed me to continue my education. When it came to the welfare office I was basically getting paid to go to school. I’m not sure of all welfare offices, but in San Francisco they were giving me bus passes and gas vouchers to cover my transportation costs.
The moral of my story is that don’t let shame ruin your chances of getting access to help that is meant for you. It may be a run-around sometimes to get connected to resources, but it is all worth it in the end when you are doing what you want to do. The same goes with asking for help from family and friends. There’s always going to be people who don’t have the capacity to help you but there are always those who can. The ones who truly support you and want to see you doing your best will be there and who cares about the ones who don’t. My biggest revenge or triumph was being supported by my friends and family while remaining self-sufficient. I didn’t get a lot of support from my daughter’s other family and it was really surprising for them to see that we were thriving instead of drowning.
Asking for help and working hard built my confidence that I am a great mother and can hold down my family. I began to care less about who wasn’t there and who was. I’m at a point in my life as a parent that getting help from those who haven’t been there can be kind of challenging because I have my own routine and flow in raising my daughter. If I never looked to my family and community for support, I don’t know where we would be today.
--YUP! Expert and young parent, Maile
I stayed in college the whole time I was pregnant and through my birth because I knew I couldn’t let up now. At school I went to all the resource centers and was able to get a free food card for the cafeteria and sign up for the Equal Opportunity Program for Students (EOPS). With EOPS I was able to work with an academic adviser monthly on my education plan, they bought me my books and supplies, and set me up with scholarships. Getting in touch with these resources at school saved me a lot of time and money and allowed me to continue my education. When it came to the welfare office I was basically getting paid to go to school. I’m not sure of all welfare offices, but in San Francisco they were giving me bus passes and gas vouchers to cover my transportation costs.
The moral of my story is that don’t let shame ruin your chances of getting access to help that is meant for you. It may be a run-around sometimes to get connected to resources, but it is all worth it in the end when you are doing what you want to do. The same goes with asking for help from family and friends. There’s always going to be people who don’t have the capacity to help you but there are always those who can. The ones who truly support you and want to see you doing your best will be there and who cares about the ones who don’t. My biggest revenge or triumph was being supported by my friends and family while remaining self-sufficient. I didn’t get a lot of support from my daughter’s other family and it was really surprising for them to see that we were thriving instead of drowning.
Asking for help and working hard built my confidence that I am a great mother and can hold down my family. I began to care less about who wasn’t there and who was. I’m at a point in my life as a parent that getting help from those who haven’t been there can be kind of challenging because I have my own routine and flow in raising my daughter. If I never looked to my family and community for support, I don’t know where we would be today.
--YUP! Expert and young parent, Maile
