Tips for Healthy Co-Parenting
Co-parenting means sharing the responsibilities of raising your child with another person. This is often the other parent, but it can also be a family member or anyone else. Co-parenting with the other parent can be especially challenging when you are no longer together, so that is the focus of this article.
Importance of Co-Parenting
Healthy co-parenting relationships can be important for raising a happy, healthy child and giving your child the opportunity to build a relationship with both parents. Getting support from the other parent can also be helpful for your own well-being.
Six Tips for Developing and Maintaining Co-Parenting Relationships
1. Practice effective communication. This means keeping each other aware of what is happening in your child’s life and what your needs are as a parent. To effectively communicate with the other parent:
- Use positive or neutral language (including body language and facial expressions).
- Use their preferred form of communication (such as text, call, or email).
- Share information about your child with the other parent, especially if it involves their health (such medications or taking them to the doctor).
2. Treat the other parent with respect and kindness, regardless of how the other parent treats you. How you treat the other parent might affect whether you are able to maintain a healthy, productive relationship. It can also affect how your child treats others, since they learn behaviors from observing you. If you have disagreements, try your best to:
- Remain calm
- Avoid jumping to conclusions or blaming the other person
- Listen - allow each other to talk
- Be respectful of each other's point of view
- Avoid talking badly about each other, especially in front of your child
- Remember that you are doing this for your child’s well-being
3. Keep interactions professional. A healthy co-parenting relationship can be like a business relationship. When communicating with the other parent, try:
- Leaving emotions out of the conversation
- Being positive
- Staying focused on your child
- Staying focused on the present or future and not dwelling on the past
4. Create a visitation schedule. A schedule can help make sure your child spends time with both parents. However, a newborn baby might need to stay with the mother for up to 6 months or more, if breastfeeding. When visits begin, it might take some time for everyone to get used to it. To help make the process smoother:
- Talk to your child about the schedule (if your child is old enough), and consider making a calendar to help.
- Avoid changing the schedule often.
- Call or video chat with the other parent if your child becomes upset and wishes to see or speak with them.
- Do your best to show up on time when it’s your turn to spend time with your child. If you are running late, make sure to communicate that with the other parent and let your child know if you cannot make it.
5. Be consistent with your child. As children grow up, consistency is important for helping them develop positive behaviors. To maintain some consistency with your child, agree on a set of “kid rules” with the other parent, and follow the rules in both households.
6. Create a parenting plan. This is a flexible plan that is agreed upon by both parents. It can be informal, or a formal legal document filed with a court (which is typically the case for child support). Consider including some of the following in your plan:
6. Create a parenting plan. This is a flexible plan that is agreed upon by both parents. It can be informal, or a formal legal document filed with a court (which is typically the case for child support). Consider including some of the following in your plan:
- A visitation schedule and how vacation and holidays will be split (unless you are okay with spending holidays together).
- How you will discuss and make important decisions together (such as selecting childcare, school, and anything health-related).
- Details of financial support for your child (how you will split the cost of must-haves such as diapers, formula, doctor appointments, and other expenses).
- How to resolve a future conflict if you want to avoid going to court (such as going to counseling or talking it out).
- What to do if you or the other parent moves to a home in another town or state.
